Contents

Previous Next  

 

Henry the Fourth Part 1

by William Shakespeare

Act 3, Scene 3 Easiest-to-Read Edition

 

 

 



Henry the Fourth Part 1 Act 3 Scene 3



Eastcheap. The Boar's Head Tavern

Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH

Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF

Bardolph, am I not fallen away (reduced) vilely since this last action? Do I not bate (abate)? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs about me like an old lady’s loose gown. I am withered like an old applejohn (shriveled apple). Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly, while I am in some liking (good condition). I shall be out of heart (initiative) shortly, and then I shall have no strength to repent. An (if) I have not forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn (something insignificant), a brewer’s horse (old and bedraggled). The inside of a church! Company, villanous company, hath been the spoil of me.

 

FALSTAFF

Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs about me like an old lady’s loose gown. I am withered like an old applejohn. Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly, while I am in some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall have no strength to repent. An I have not forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn, a brewer’s horse. The inside of a church! Company, villanous company, hath been the spoil of me.

 

BARDOLPH

Sir John, you are so fretful you cannot live long.

 

BARDOLPH

Sir John, you are so fretful you cannot live long.

 

FALSTAFF

Why, there is it. Come sing me a bawdy song, make me merry. I was as virtuously given (given to virtue) as a gentleman need to be, virtuous enough: swore little, diced (gambled) not above seven times— a week, went to a bawdy house once in a quarter—of an hour, paid (repaid) money that I borrowed— three or four times, lived well and in good compass (within good limits), and now I live out of all order, out of all compass.

 

FALSTAFF

Why, there is it. Come sing me a bawdy song, make me merry. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to be, virtuous enough: swore little; diced not above seven times— a week; went to a bawdy house once in a quarter—of an hour; paid money that I borrowed, three or four times; lived well and in good compass; and now I live out of all order, out of all compass.

 

BARDOLPH

Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.

 

BARDOLPH

Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.

 

FALSTAFF

Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my life. Thou art our admiral (flagship), thou bearest the lantern in the poop (stern of the ship (ships down the line followed the lantern)), but ’tis (the lantern is) in the nose of thee. Thou art the Knight of the Burning Lamp (red nose).

 

FALSTAFF

Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my life. Thou art our admiral, thou bearest the lantern in the poop, but ’tis in the nose of thee. Thou art the knight of the burning lamp.

 

BARDOLPH

Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.

 

BARDOLPH

Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.

 

FALSTAFF

No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man doth of a death’s-head or a memento mori (reminder of death - skull and crossbones). I never see thy face but I think upon hellfire and Dives (Di-ves – rich man of the Bible) that lived in purple (color of royal clothing), for there he is in his robes, burning, burning (Dives went to hell, whereas poor Lazarus went to heaven). If thou wert any way given to virtue, I would swear by thy face. My oath would be “By this fire (Bardolph’s nose), that’s God’s angel.” But thou art altogether given over [to sin] and wert indeed, but for the light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When thou rannest up Gadshill in the night to catch my horse, if I did not think thou hadst been an ignis fatuus (will-‘o-the-wisp) or a ball of wildfire (fireworks), there’s no purchase (profit) in money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph (procession with lights), an everlasting bonfire-light! Thou hast saved me a thousand marks in links (flax soaked in pitch and lit) and torches, walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern, but the sack that thou hast drunk me (“on me”) would have bought me lights as good cheap (cheaper than the sack) at the dearest chandler’s (most expensive seller of candles) in Europe. I have maintained that salamander of yours (salamanders were thought to live in fire) with fire (alcohol) any time this two and thirty years, God reward me for it.

 

FALSTAFF

No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man doth of a death’s-head or a memento mori. I never see thy face but I think upon hellfire and Dives that lived in purple, for there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any way given to virtue, I would swear by thy face. My oath should be “By this fire, that’s God’s angel.” But thou art altogether given over, and wert indeed, but for the light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When thou rannest up Gadshill in the night to catch my horse, if I did not think thou hadst been an ignis fatuus, or a ball of wildfire, there’s no purchase in money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting bonfire-light! Thou hast saved me a thousand marks in links and torches, walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern: but the sack that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I have maintained that salamander of yours with fire any time this two and thirty years, God reward me for it.

 

BARDOLPH

'Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!

(a proverb)

 

BARDOLPH

'Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!

 


FALSTAFF

Godamercy, so should I be sure to be heart-burned!


FALSTAFF

Godamercy, so should I be sure to be heart-burned!

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

How now, Dame Partlet the hen, have you enquired yet who picked my pocket?

Pertelote the hen from Chaucer

How now, Dame Partlet the hen, have you enquired yet who picked my pocket?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John, do you think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched, I have enquired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. The tithe (tenth part) of a hair was never lost in my house before.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John, do you think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched, I have enquired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house before.

 

FALSTAFF

You lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and lost many a hair, and I’ll be sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are a woman, go.

 

FALSTAFF

You lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and lost many a hair; and I’ll be sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are a woman, go.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Who, I? No; I defy thee! God’s light, I was never called so in mine own house before.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Who, I? No; I defy thee! God’s light, I was never called so in mine own house before.

 

FALSTAFF

Go to, I know you well enough.

 

FALSTAFF

Go to, I know you well enough.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir John. You owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel to beguile (cheat) me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir John. You owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.

 

FALSTAFF

Dowlas (coarse linen), filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers' wives. They have made bolters (sieves) of them.

 

FALSTAFF

Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers' wives; they have made bolters of them.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Now, as I am a true woman, Holland (Dutch linen) of eight shillings an ell (one-and-one-half yards). You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your diet (food) and by-drinkings (other than meal times) and money lent you, four and twenty pound.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell. You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and by- drinkings, and money lent you, four and twenty pound.

 

FALSTAFF

(points at BARDOLPH) He had his part of it. Let him pay.

 

FALSTAFF

(points at BARDOLPH) He had his part of it. Let him pay.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

He? Alas, he is poor. He hath nothing.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

He? Alas, he is poor. He hath nothing.

 

FALSTAFF

How, poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let them coin his nose. Let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier (small coin). What, will you make a younker (greenhorn) of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a seal ring of my grandfather’s worth forty mark.

 

FALSTAFF

How, poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let them coin his nose. Let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier. What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a seal ring of my grandfather’s worth forty mark.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how oft, that that ring was copper!

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how oft, that that ring was copper!

 

FALSTAFF

How? The Prince is a jack (knave), a sneak-up. 'Sblood, an (if) he were here, I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so (say that).

 

FALSTAFF

How? The Prince is a jack, a sneak-up. 'Sblood, an he were here, I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.

 

Enter PRINCE HENRY and PETO, marching, and FALSTAFF meets them playing on his truncheon like a fife (military flute)

 

Enter PRINCE HENRY and PETO, marching, and FALSTAFF meets them playing on his truncheon like a fife

 

How now, lad, is the wind in that door (is that how the wind if blowing), i' faith? Must we all march?

 

How now, lad, is the wind in that door, i' faith? Must we all march?

 

BARDOLPH

Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion (like in Newgate Prison).

 

BARDOLPH

Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

My lord, I pray you, hear me.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

My lord, I pray you, hear me.

 

PRINCE HENRY

What sayest thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I love him well; he is an honest man.

 

PRINCE HENRY

What sayest thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I love him well; he is an honest man.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Good my lord, hear me.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Good my lord, hear me.

 

FALSTAFF

Prithee, let her alone, and list (listen) to me.

 

FALSTAFF

Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.

 

PRINCE HENRY

What say’st thou, Jack?

 

PRINCE HENRY

What say’st thou, Jack?

 

FALSTAFF

The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras and had my pocket picked. This house is turned bawdy house. They pick pockets.

 

FALSTAFF

The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras, and had my pocket picked. This house is turned bawdy house; they pick pockets.

 

PRINCE HENRY

What didst thou lose, Jack?

 

PRINCE HENRY

What didst thou lose, Jack?

 

FALSTAFF

Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty pound apiece and a seal ring of my grandfather’s.

 

FALSTAFF

Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty pound apiece, and a seal ring of my grandfather’s.

 

PRINCE HENRY

A trifle, some eightpenny matter.

 

PRINCE HENRY

A trifle, some eightpenny matter.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul- mouthed man as he is and said he would cudgel you.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul- mouthed man as he is;,and said he would cudgel you.

 

PRINCE HENRY

What, he did not!

 

PRINCE HENRY

What, he did not!

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.

 

FALSTAFF

There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn (illegally killed) fox, and, for womanhood, Maid Marian (loose woman at fairs) may be the deputy’s wife of a ward (London political district) [compared] to thee. Go, you thing, go.

 

FALSTAFF

There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune, nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn fox, and for womanhood, Maid Marian may be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Say, what thing, what thing?

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Say, what thing, what thing?

 

FALSTAFF

What thing! Why, a thing to thank God on (thank God for).

 

FALSTAFF

What thing! Why, a thing to thank God on.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know it! I am an honest man’s wife, and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know it! I am an honest man’s wife, and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.

 

FALSTAFF

Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.

 

FALSTAFF

Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?

 

FALSTAFF

What beast? Why, an otter.

 

FALSTAFF

What beast? Why, an otter.

 

PRINCE HENRY

An otter, Sir John. Why an otter?

 

PRINCE HENRY

An otter, Sir John. Why an otter?

 

FALSTAFF

Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh. A man knows not where to have her (in the water or on land).

 

FALSTAFF

Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Thou art an unjust man in saying so. Thou or any man knows where to have me, thou knave, thou.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Thou art an unjust man in saying so. Thou or any man knows where to have me, thou knave, thou.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Thou sayest true, hostess, and he slanders thee most grossly.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Thou sayest true, hostess, and he slanders thee most grossly.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you owed him a thousand pound.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you owed him a thousand pound.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?

 

PRINCE HENRY

Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?

 

FALSTAFF

A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is worth a million; thou owest me thy love.

 

FALSTAFF

A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is worth a million; thou owest me thy love.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Nay, my lord, he called you “jack,” and said he would cudgel you.

 

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Nay, my lord, he called you “jack,” and said he would cudgel you.

 

FALSTAFF

Did I, Bardolph?

 

FALSTAFF

Did I, Bardolph?

 

BARDOLPH

Indeed, Sir John, you said so.

 

BARDOLPH

Indeed, Sir John, you said so.

 

FALSTAFF

Yea, if he said my ring was copper.

 

FALSTAFF

Yea, if he said my ring was copper.

 

PRINCE HENRY

I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word now?

 

PRINCE HENRY

I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word now?

 

FALSTAFF

Why, Hal, thou knowest as thou art but man, I dare, but as thou art Prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of a lion’s whelp (cub).

 

FALSTAFF

Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare, but as thou art Prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of a lion’s whelp.

 

PRINCE HENRY

And why not as the lion?

 

PRINCE HENRY

And why not as the lion?

 

FALSTAFF

The King is to be feared as the lion. Dost thou think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father? Nay, an (if) I do, I pray God my girdle (waistband) break (proverbial – means to bring bad luck).

 

FALSTAFF

The King is to be feared as the lion. Dost thou think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father? Nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break.

 

PRINCE HENRY

O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine. It is all filled up with guts and midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket? Why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed (bulging) rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor pennyworth of sugar candy (for energy) to make thee long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am a villain. And, yet you will stand to it! You will not pocket up wrong (acknowledge your own wrongdoing)! Art thou not ashamed?

 

PRINCE HENRY

O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine. It is all filled up with guts and midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket? Why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor pennyworth, of sugar candy to make thee long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am a villain. And, yet you will stand to it! You will not pocket up wrong! Art thou not ashamed?

 

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villany? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man and therefore more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my pocket?

 

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villany? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man and therefore more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my pocket?

 

PRINCE HENRY

It appears so by the story.

 

PRINCE HENRY

It appears so by the story.

 

FALSTAFF

Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast, love thy husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still (as always). Nay, prithee, be gone.

 

FALSTAFF

Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast, love thy, husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still. Nay, prithee, be gone.

 

Exit MISTRESS QUICKLY

Exit MISTRESS QUICKLY

Now, Hal, to the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that answered?

Now, Hal, to the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that answered?

PRINCE HENRY

O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The money is paid back again.

 

PRINCE HENRY

O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The money is paid back again.

 

FALSTAFF

O, I do not like that paying back. 'Tis a double labor.

 

FALSTAFF

O, I do not like that paying back. 'Tis a double labor.

 

PRINCE HENRY

I am good friends with my father and may do anything.

 

PRINCE HENRY

I am good friends with my father and may do anything.

 

FALSTAFF

Rob me the Exchequer the first thing thou dost, and do it with unwashed hands (even before you’ve had a chance to wash your hands), too.

 

FALSTAFF

Rob me the Exchequer the first thing thou dost, and do it with unwashed hands too.

 

BARDOLPH

Do, my lord.

 

BARDOLPH

Do, my lord.

 

PRINCE HENRY

I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.

charge of foot=command of foot soldiers

 

PRINCE HENRY

I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.

 

FALSTAFF

I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one (someone) that can steal well? O, for a fine thief of the age of two and twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels. They offend none but the virtuous. I laud them; I praise them.

 

FALSTAFF

I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that can steal well? O, for a fine thief of the age of two and twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels. They offend none but the virtuous. I laud them; I praise them.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Bardolph!

 

PRINCE HENRY

Bardolph!

 

BARDOLPH

My lord.

 

BARDOLPH

My lord.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,

To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,

To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.

 

Exit BARDOLPH

Exit BARDOLPH

Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and I have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time.

Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and I have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time.

Exit PETO

Exit PETO

Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple hall

At two o'clock in the afternoon;

There shalt thou know thy charge and there receive

Money and order for their furniture.

furniture=outfitting

The land is burning. Percy stands on high,

And either we or they must lower lie.

 

Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple hall

At two o'clock in the afternoon;

There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receive

Money and order for their furniture.

The land is burning. Percy stands on high,

And either we or they must lower lie.

 

Exit PRINCE HENRY

Exit PRINCE HENRY

FALSTAFF

Rare words, brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast, come.—

O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.

(I wish I could lead my foot soldiers from here)

 

FALSTAFF

Rare words, brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast, come.—

O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.

 

Exit

Exit

 

Next